Incredible work, I checked out/skimmed over a couple of your videos and kudos to you, seems like a great way to share your knowledge <3

I'll definitely checked them out fully when I feel like it :)

Having said so, and I am thankful for your offer, but I suck at programming. It'd be more than annoying for you to interact with me, and so on. I'd have to learn a programming language from scratch, basically.

¡Gracias por tu respuesta!

Already seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They do help me out, however I find them a bit out of touch with my "real world" issues.

Wow, awesome! I'll definitely read it over when I get some free time. Thanks ;)

Any feedback appreciated. :) Cuidese mucho!

Interesting, I hadn't considered that. Indeed, I haven't traveled a lot in my life, mostly because my parents are let's just say not that well off. Indeed, if I can, I'll try to do that after the COVID-19 pandemic is over, if, of course, I find the money necessary to do that somehow.

Thanks for your advice :)

Thanks for you piece of advice.

Wow. 3-4 hours is little sleep indeed and I can definitely understand how that can be very detrimental to your health. Hope you are better now.

For me it isn't sleep per se, but rather my sleep schedule. Simply put, because during the last 3 years of my life I had classes during the evening, I not only tend to sleep later on, but it never seems like I have a regular schedule. One day I might go to sleep at 3 AM, the other day at 6 AM, etc..

Thanks for the advice, you are right when it comes down to everything else. I am facing the chicken and egg problem in regard to this, though, since it's a constant cycle of feeling like I'm not worth anything -> why even do exercise -> when I do exercise, I am going to fuck up again -> same cycle all over again. It's a self-destructive mindset.

Thanks for the supportive message, and if I am completely honest to you, I find it very hard to think like you do.

In response to each of your steps:

Step 1: I will try to do this, however, what I am most afraid of is that my past dictates what I can be in the future. Therefore, since I cannot see any "successes" in the last 5 years of my life, "25% of it", I cannot imagine my future going any better.

Step 2: Yes, I understand this perfectly. I've suffered from some help problems and you're than 100% right.

Step 3: Well, that's hard to do as once George Costanza said Seinfeld said "You know, we live in a SOCIETY". I believe that one of the most important aspects of our lives is to feel comfortable where we live in, and thus simply "ignoring" what our society considers failure and success is simply impossible. I do however indeed share the sentiment that this is not something objective.

Step 4: Oh boy. This is a very hard one for me. It's impossible for me to think like that, because it seems like we since we are little are rewarded for being better than someone, for having better grades, for being more popular and whatnot. Later on in our lives we are rewarded for having a better job w/ more money, a better SO on average if we are a better, etc... This is why I simply cannot think that it's enough to do my best, and I understand this mindset is not only self-defeating but straight out detrimental, but I don't know what to do about it.

Step 5: No comment.

Thanks for your response again, however I am asking for the opposite, so to speak. I'm tired of being myself, I'm tired of living life wandering around with no compass and the consequences of being like that. That's why I created this post.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll read it and reply back w/ what I learned.

I don't know what I want to be doing in 5 years. I simply don't :/ Moreover, I am afraid of messing things up again when most of my peers my age already have something going in their lives.

Thanks for the optimism, I've been told this more than once :)

However, it's hard for me not to compare myself with peers of my age who already have it figured it out so to speak, who have not failed as much as I've had and etc...

That's why I am asking for resources to help me out, as it seems like my life is a concatenation of failures, so to speak.

Classic peer pressure thing. You're not helping yourself with peer comparisons. I'll tell you right now. If being a beggar was fashionable and your peer group was doing it, then you'll be wanting to do that? Just think about this for yourself. You can NOT think about your peers and do whatever you are doing well. Isn't it obvious?

Indeed you are right, and I get what you mean. However this doesn't only come from peers, it comes from for example from my parents (who one could argue at the same time are influenced by "society" and so on), and it simply isn't easy to ignore their wishes for me to have a better and "proper" life, especially when I am dependent on them atm for my livelihood.

This is a tricky question to find a good answer for, but all in all, yes you are right. Indeed, everyone is different and everyone doesn't have a set path. However, I don't know how I could brainwash myself to think like that in my day to day life, not only when I am "deeply thinking about it".

Right now I am not doing anything, and I am looking for something new in my life. That's why I am asking for resources to find "my path", as I've already dropped out twice from official post-HS institutions and to put it mildly "I don't want to f*ck up again".

Thanks for your reply.

What made you drop out of the vocational school?

A combination of factors, actually. To start with, I cut one of my fingers and had to have surgery for it, which made me lose a month in classes while I recuperated. Secondly, there were a couple of subjects that I found myself to be "too dumb for", like programming.

I for the love of God, cannot understand how to program, or at the same speed necessary to do it effectively. Also I have problems with concentration and studying. At the same time, it seems like programming is the future. Everything is one way or another related to this, and me being not very good at it completely destroys my self-confidence.

Lastly, I felt like I couldn't be around work w/ electricity. I would live a life of daily constant thought of "I made this mistake and bam, I could be dead".

There are many more factors, but those are the main ones. Thanks for asking.

Seems like you might have ADD or depression. Talk to your doctor about that. Proper medication might be the solution.

I've already talked about this to my doctor, and I am already taking anti-anxiety meds. As I mentioned before in my post, I am already seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I also asked them if I had ADHD, and they told me that I did not.