1. You can usually recognize when you’ve said something in a tone that you regret. Within a few minutes of saying it, try to preemptively and meaningfully say you’re sorry for that tone.
2. If you’re discussing a topic that one or both of you are very passionate about or that triggers high emotions, each person should stop and write down what the other person is saying. Then repeat back what you understood about what the other person said. This helps both people understand that they are being both listened to and understood, and usually calms everything down. (We’ve only needed to do this 2x in several years of marriage, but it’s been helpful each time.)
3. A tough one, but try not to discuss any hot button topics when one or both of you is tired and/or hungry and/or driving.
Finally, someone else in the thread mentioned high ratios of good/complimentary interactions to bad ones. This is very important. Be grateful for your spouse and show it, every day. This will go a long way toward improving most any relationship.
1. You can usually recognize when you’ve said something in a tone that you regret. Within a few minutes of saying it, try to preemptively and meaningfully say you’re sorry for that tone.
2. If you’re discussing a topic that one or both of you are very passionate about or that triggers high emotions, each person should stop and write down what the other person is saying. Then repeat back what you understood about what the other person said. This helps both people understand that they are being both listened to and understood, and usually calms everything down. (We’ve only needed to do this 2x in several years of marriage, but it’s been helpful each time.)
3. A tough one, but try not to discuss any hot button topics when one or both of you is tired and/or hungry and/or driving.
Finally, someone else in the thread mentioned high ratios of good/complimentary interactions to bad ones. This is very important. Be grateful for your spouse and show it, every day. This will go a long way toward improving most any relationship.