sorry you are having a hard time. contrary to what one might believe you should be able to get an appointment with a therapist - remotely though - it should actually be easier now since a lot of people don’t like not_in_person therapy.

as a meta: i recommend the book “the power of now”. it sounds like pseudo selfhelp bullshit but at least for me it clicked beautifully - and it can be a really good initiation/transition to something more established like buddhism.