You're 100% right. Most functional divorces I have seen, are those where process end up quickly, especially if there are children. For the sake of their kids it's the best thing that can happen.
The movie "Marriage Story" it's a great reflection of your point, in how the lawyers weaponize resentment in relationships (affairs, deadbedrooms, chores neglect, etc) to get the process going for as long as possible with the promise of getting the best %... but in the end, their funds are eaten away by legal fees.
#NotAllLawyers of course, they already have (with some exceptions) an underserved bad rap, and I have meet some with an ethic code of steel. But it's better the be aware that can still happen.
Yeah, certainly not trying to bash lawyers. I'm a billable consultant myself. I don't think our lawyers were trying to do anything wrong.
This was the process. Exchange information, Negotiate, if negotiation fails - meet w judge for pre-trial opinion (what they would rule with current information). If still contested, Discovery building up to Trial.
If they were milking us, they'd be pushing for the trial, cause the discovery is the real billable hours killer.
But, I had to take the responsibility when it looks like the negotiation is going badly - let's get this in front of the judge NOW. Discovery/trial legal bills would have wiped out most of our assets at the time.
No, as a lawyer who personally just completed this process, my faith in my profession will never be the same after witnessing the toxic mix of bad faith and incompetence of the opposing lawyer, collusive ineffectiveness of the retired judge we hired to act as mediator, and virtually everything else about the process. The first 10 months were wasted with those two failing to read past page 1 of a critical document to find the operative language and being unable to craft a coherent plan as a result. That was just the start.
The lesson I learned was it doesn't matter how high-minded your rules, principles and processes are, the matrimonial bar and bench seems to be a magnet for just craven incompence, mean spiritedness, and, when you get past all of that, in the best case, indifference to the unnecessary suffering they cause. So while I appreciate the optimism of the article, and in general I agree with the principle that lawyers are unnecessarily "bashed", when it comes to the matrimonial bar some higher level of regulation, self regulation or other form of redress is required.
A lawyer friend who has colleagues working in Family Law says they (the family lawyers) describe their practice as "Feelings Court". The law itself is a guideline, adherence to the rules for e.g. contents of filings is on a meh-effort basis (beyond things that are completely objective such as tax returns).
Yeah from what I've heard, family court is super wonky and does not follow the same standards that normal courts do, yet still have the same full force of law! It's crazy and makes me want to stay away from them with a 10 foot pole.
Agreed, in my case I offered a settlement early on for uncontested divorce, literally dividing everything in half. My spouse hired an attorney whose website says he knows how to find the money the other side is hiding. Well, tens of thousands of dollars and 18 months later, we arrive at mediation and settle on the identical division, which just about everyone thinks is unfair because she took all the cash and home equity I get just the business assets. Risk doesn't really get priced in.
But one of the worst things about it is that the mediator said she looked in really bad shape, like she'd been through the wringer. And we had complied with alacrity with her attorney's requests. I found that very inhumane of the attorney.
Edit: I think I meant to reply to the child comment.
The movie "Marriage Story" it's a great reflection of your point, in how the lawyers weaponize resentment in relationships (affairs, deadbedrooms, chores neglect, etc) to get the process going for as long as possible with the promise of getting the best %... but in the end, their funds are eaten away by legal fees.
#NotAllLawyers of course, they already have (with some exceptions) an underserved bad rap, and I have meet some with an ethic code of steel. But it's better the be aware that can still happen.