I asked this question on Reddit a while back and this seems like a good place to ask the question now:
I'm a brand new manager, managing several reports and we are all remote. I've been tossing thoughts in the back of my head around on various ways we could bond as a team. My managers suggest that we do Zoom happy hour but I honestly cringe at the idea. With that said does anyone have any suggestions for things I can do with the team that wouldn't be "mandatory fun"?
My thought on it thus far is if we are all remote, the best thing you can do is to just support your team and not get in the way with various activities and such. But I would love to be proven wrong.
Any activity that involves potentially bonding with your boss will always suck. The potential for power dynamic interactions gets in the way of relaxing.
If you think your team needs to be better meshed with each other, then suggest to one of them (who, after discussion, seems to think the same) that they propose an out-of-work bonding thing to their coworkers. And that they invite the rest of their team, but—crucially—not you.
Much more likely to be seen as a pleasant activity, rather than “mandatory fun.”
Now, if you as a manager want to bond better with your team yourself… I have no honest idea.
Probably you can at least build empathy, by taking on some of the worst “somebody’s gotta do it” work they’d otherwise be doing, to shield them from said work and instead keep them on work that’s their comparative advantage. They may never notice this / may take it for granted, though.
(But the real trick is to rise through the ranks from a non-managerial role, and ensure everyone already vibes with you before the promotion to management.)
Just remember, you can be someone's boss or their friend. Pick one.
I'm not saying you can't be friendly. But you need to lose any illusion that you can be friends with your direct reports. And the way to be a great boss is respecting people's time. So instead of piling more stuff onto their calendars, try to identify some time wasting meetings/ceremonies and replace them with something fun and engaging.
I don't know what the remote version of this is, but instead of having an "after work" event, we found that having a lunch or event during work hours was far more valuable. While it's only been done a few times it seems that people really just want to go home after work, so the current thinking (subject to change) is that any "fun" thing needs to be during paid time and not disrupt family and personal time.
After all, employee happiness from a company perspective, is really primarily for the benefit of the company so paying for it, in time and resources, should be an acceptable expense.
We used to have a happy hour at the office when we were in person. Snacks, alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverages, etc.
When the company went remote due to COVID, we kept the time as an open chat. Most people joined in, some with beverages, some from their backyards, and some just kept their cameras off and mic on mute. I think it worked well. The understanding (carried over from when it was in person) was that it was completely optional and that definitely helped.
As far as non-mandatory fun goes, it has to be on "company time." And you really need to emphasize that it is optional (this means not doing anything that requires you to know the number of attendees ahead of time) and that there are no repercussions for not going.
I remember two outings at the same company, same department but under different managers: with manager A we went to lunch and a movie but anyone who wanted to could just take the afternoon off instead. Under manager B we went to a movie (with paid snacks - company budget was less then) but it was either go to the movie or stay at work. There was a definite difference in vibe at the two events.
IMO, I think the best way to bond with your team really depends on who the people in your team are, and how easy / difficult it is to physically travel to be together.
For a year I worked hybrid (mostly remote) with a guy who was a single gamer. We'd try to play a game once a week; it was never mandatory. We met face-to-face every other month or so in the office and had lunch together.
In another remote position, we occasionally flew to the main office to meet each other face-to-face. We made a point of having team lunches.
For example: If everyone is within a 90-minute drive, coordinate a monthly (or quarterly) day together. Provide lunch, and focus on a task that works best face-to-face, like whiteboarding.
If many people need to fly, consider a yearly meetup at a hotel with a conference room.
Regarding a traditional "happy hour," I think if your team can't spend 30-60 minutes chit-chatting over some snacks, you have bigger problems. Feel out your team about alcohol, the presence of alcohol can make some people uncomfortable; but on other teams is perfectly welcome.
"With that said does anyone have any suggestions for things I can do with the team that wouldn't be "mandatory fun"?"
Anything work related is "mandatory".
And bonding happens also naturally, when people work together on something with success.
Mandatory remote team bonding sounds bound to fail in most cases.
Depending on the size if the team and their interests, maybe some computer games could be fun and useful. I probably wouldn't say no to play battlefield or Left4Dead on company time with coworkers. But not everyone enjoys that.
Hang out with the people you're already buddies with. Make it reciprocal, don't always be the one inviting the other, they should invite you half the time. If you foster an environment where you already have a collegiate environment at work, your subordinates will naturally like to move that fun out of the office from time to time.
In short, make it optional, don't make it regular ("we have a happy hour every Friday :^D"), and make sure it's reciprocal.
A sibling comment mentioned how awkward the power dynamic can be when doing any social activity with your direct reports. That's definitely true, but I don't think that means you shouldn't try something.
There are plenty of online games, from card games, to pictionary/drawing, to word games. I'd start with short list of options, let the team select one, and play during an existing team meeting. Limit it to 30 minutes during normal work hours. That way there's no pressure to stay late or give up a lunch break.
If the team is brand new (to each other and to you), there are get-to-know-you activities. One that's kinda fun is "3 things" where each employee gives three things about themselves, but only one is true (or one is a lie), and the team has to guess which is true/lie. Sometimes unconvers interesting/unique things about employees - I had an employee who was a pro golfer at one point, stuff like that. Same as above - during an existing meeting, not after work or during lunch.
FWIW I'd personally be quite annoyed if my employer were encouraging at-home alcohol consumption in the form of "zoom happy hour", prioritizing corporate team building over my home environment's quality at my/my household's expense. I don't even keep alcohol around, it would be akin to encouraging me to have cake around just so I can eat it on a virtual meeting scheduled specifically for cake consumption, another junk food I don't keep around and never really consume.
"drink up, happy hour is now enforced by law" - Dead Kennedys [0]
I don't drink, so I tend to drink water at such events. If you feel pressure, people can't tell what you're drinking. Iced tea, or whiskey? Gin, or water? Bloody Mary, or V8 with a salt rim? Moscow mule, or who cares, it's an opaque cup?
What about a recovered/recovering alcoholic employee liable to slip into this enabler trap?
I'm not personally plagued with this problem, but have no difficulty empathizing with the situation and think it's completely asinine for employers to encourage drinking among employees.
> What about a recovered/recovering alcoholic employee liable to slip into this enabler trap?
I absolutely hate that, and yes, that strikes very close to home. Over the years, I've had countless coworkers, peers and even a couple of managers, pressure me hard to drink. The pressure they're willing to apply skyrockets as they get more drunk. All I'm saying is, it's easier to deflect over zoom.
And that is the very hard line for a happy hour: No one should be "getting drunk" or otherwise visibly intoxicated on company time.
That's something I'd bring up with HR / upper management or my direct. "I had enough pressure to drink to excess in my college fraternity. I don't want it in my workplace."
I was fortunate that my last team was a group of engineers that all liked video games. So we downloaded 0AD and beat the crap out of each other for a few hours one Friday.
Crucially, they'd been nagging ME for months to do some sort of team bonding thing but nobody wanted to do the usual Zoom HH; everyone was well past the novelty of that by late summer 2020.
I'd inherited the team during the pandemic, we were spread out over 4,000 miles and six time zones, and we'd grown the team by hiring remotely too. So it was important, but the initiative came from them and I just facilitated it.
I struggle with this as well. My team grew during COVID, and many of them are in different locations. In many ways, they haven't been able to gel as a team. There are other managers who had teams before COVID hit and their virtual hangouts just amplify the bond they had before.
People will complain about these events, but I just don't know any other way to help teams learn about each other.
>People will complain about these events, but I just don't know any other way to help teams learn about each other.
In gaming, there are entire genres which expect people to cooperate to get better results. Initially, they don't know anything about each other, but in functional groups there's at least a silent agreement to work together and not cause a fuss. Let's say in professional environments, it's fair to expect most employed people would do the same (ergo, the hiring process properly filtered the problem people out).
Eventually people end up working together on things more and more. From there, depending on their personalities, they will either learn more about each other, or come to an agreement they are only there to do the work. Both outcomes are fair, though individuals might feel left out when their expectations aren't met (team culture mismatch).
By introducing these events, it feels like managers are trying to fastforward a process which would happen naturally, through events which have little to do with the work at hand. If your projects need collaboration, surely these people will eventually communicate with one another and go through the flow illustrated above. I only expect managers to step in when there's a clear mismatch or sign of dysfunction within the team.
And honestly, I'm skeptical whether functional adults as a whole enjoy the attempts at fastforwarding the process. These events have a tendency to feel forced and infantilizing.
> And honestly, I'm skeptical whether functional adults as a whole enjoy the attempts at fastforwarding the process.
I certainly don't. I'm there to make money, not friends.
I've tried making friends at work before, and it was never worth it. They expect you to be there for them, they're never there for you, and once you've left the company you might as well have never existed to them.
Ironically the money part is a very good reason for people not to misbehave to begin with. If they don't misbehave, that alone should provide ample opportunity for the group to figure out if they want to just work or do more.
I just got onto a new project, and one of the first things the lead said was that they do a Zoom happy hour every Friday at 4pm. I told her, "That's fine. Keep on doing that, but don't expect me to show up. If I want to socialize over Zoom I can do that on my own time."
No, I'm not fun at parties. I'm the designated driver.
The second statement shouldn't follow from the first. I'm plenty fun at parties, but work "friends" is a negative concept to me, and manager enforced "team bonding" is stupid.
I bond with my teammates by working with them, by overcoming struggles, confusion, stupid corporate policy, and deadlines with them. We learn to trust each other, to reach out to each other, and help each other. They are not my friends, they are my coworkers.
Managers, stop trying to force coworkers into my personal life. I have multiple groups of amazing, personal, and dedicated friends. None of them come from work.
> I've been tossing thoughts in the back of my head around on various ways we could bond as a team.
What is the problem that lead to you thinking about this in the first place? Maybe somebody will be able to give you better advice if you can be more specific about what needs to be corrected.
Proactively investing in team health, is the closest thing to a free lunch as far as improving team outcomes. Try different things and see what works, but definitely do something if you want to find out what the highest version of your team could be.
I'm a brand new manager, managing several reports and we are all remote. I've been tossing thoughts in the back of my head around on various ways we could bond as a team. My managers suggest that we do Zoom happy hour but I honestly cringe at the idea. With that said does anyone have any suggestions for things I can do with the team that wouldn't be "mandatory fun"?
My thought on it thus far is if we are all remote, the best thing you can do is to just support your team and not get in the way with various activities and such. But I would love to be proven wrong.