Was he one of the executives that extorts money from third-world governments? Or is that a separate department. My only surprise is that the Surface doesn't come with a straw for cocaine.

All I know is that Steve Ballmer once smashed someone's phone in front of a stadium, but I've actually never seen a Microsoft employee do anything harder than an overbaked edible.

Then again, I couldn't do cocaine if I wanted to, because I have a deviated septum from one of the beatings I caught in middle school.

(I want to track down the one book I read then -- it talked about how Bill Gates just screamed at everyone and invited a string of women over to his mansion... they had assigned some paraprofessional to sit next next to the detention area and I was like "uh, this guy sounds like an asshole" and she just kind of got this weird tone and was like oh that's how it is, bosses are all like that, or something to that effect.

Between that and having your elementary teachers sometimes literally roll in rocking a black eye, it was a weird time to be a teenager.

It fascinates me that some people can be violent, on purpose, over and over, and someone like me can just pound caffeine and post a bunch on the internet as they run errands, and the end result is some autist like me is the one who looks unemployable.

(Or maybe I'll wake up to better email tomorrow, stranger things have happened.)