It gets bad when people with odd anxieties project them onto everyone around them.
There's an entire social (edit:changed that word from 'political' which I didn't mean to say) orientation around this.
See the hilarious 2019 Socialist Convention where they talk about people clapping as 'harm' or wearing perfume as 'aggressive' or taking a particular tone as 'oppressive', etc.
"Hey, can we chat!" is now "Triggering" etc.. ?
We're really going to be dragged aside by HR now because "Hey, can we chat?"
Yeah ... no.
I think it's up to the author to seek help.
I don't deny they have an issue, but I'm wary that it's mostly theirs to contend with.
Talk about projecting… this has nothing to do with politics, especially USA politics.
I’ve have had this exact conversation with colleagues from extremely varied backgrounds. Some people mind it less, some more, but most are annoyed by it at some level. It’s like calling and saying “can I ask you a question?”, followed by thirty seconds of silence.
This is a bad pattern of communication introduced by modern chat with presence features (and amplified by remote work), not something that is part of natural conversation.
Maybe it's you that are possibly projecting here, by assuming that because I referenced a political convention, that I'm making it political.
(EDIT: Yes, I did write 'political'. It's totally my fault. I didn't mean to write that word. I meant to use a different term, 'political' came out and I didn't edit it. My bad. I meant to infer a 'social posture')
That ultra empathetic posture, to the point of literally debilitating the conference itself - is just something that happened at that conference, which happened to be a Socialist Convention. It doesn't have anything to do with socialism. Even if it does, by the way, seem to be a part of elements of communication of 'that side' - it likely just has more to do with personality types, because it's obviously not political.
If you want to see the video yourself it's here [1].
And by the way - this video is just a snapshot, there's much more hilarity floating out there.
And finally I don't really think "Can we chat?" has much to do with 'remote culture' or 'remote work' ... I know my manager would often walk by my cube and say the same thing. Perhaps more frequent, but not really an element of culture.
It's also perfectly reasonable.
I wish I knew how to describe the variation of anxiety that this might arise, or what to do about it (meditation? CBT?) , but I don't suggest it's anyone's problem but the person who is made anxious.
I know for myself, after hearing it the 1st time, I wouldn't be anxious the second time or later. It's just an opportunity to talk.
I really don't think the author's point is even remotely related to what you're pointing at. The words 'scary' and 'anxiety' are, in my opinion, to be taken very lightly in this blog post. These are normal human emotions, not necessarily diseases. It is about effective communication at work, and if you ask around this is not even a particularly contentious issue, everybody seems to agree to a certain extent.
> I don't really think "Can we chat?" has much to do... with remote working
Yes, it also applies to the office, but you do realize this is specifically about instant messaging, not drive-by conversations?
> I know for myself, after hearing it the 1st time, I wouldn't be anxious the second time or later. It's just an opportunity to talk.
The scenario in question might play out dozens of times a day at a larger company, you don't need those "opportunities to talk" if you have work to be done. Not doing this is a matter of courtesy. You might just have been lucky to not have it inflicted to you at that level.
It doesn't matter whether it's in person, or in messaging.
It's perfectly acceptable for a manager, and not remotely 'lacking in manner or courtesy' for a manager to say 'Can we chat later at 1?'.
I've been working for 25 years in 4 countries, I don't know a person who would think otherwise.
The individual here is perfectly within their rights to 'feel anxiety' in any given situation, bu they lack the emotional maturity to recognize their special condition.
It is not a normal human emotion to have anxiety because your manager asks to chat, which should be frankly a very common occurrence.
I completely and fundamentally disagree with your 'if you ask around people will agree with this'.
If you ask the question as 'do you find it problematic or anxiety inducing or lacking in courtesy when your manager asks to chat later without context' - then you've 'led' the answer and might likely create some kind of intellectualized rhetorical response.
But - if you actually observe people in any workplace, collect myriads of messages, and then ask them after the fact to identify when their managers were 'not courteous' without highlighting this specific issue, it will not pop up unsolicited.
It's total bullshit rhetorical nonsense.
If your manager says 'Hey can we chat after lunch?' - you say 'sure' (unless you can't) and then that's that. It's utterly normal.
The examples you give of “Can you chat at 1”, “can we chat after lunch” are entirely different from the “spooky” messages the post is about. It’s clear that we are coming from entirely different perspectives, not worth going any further.
I think this is reasonable, honestly. It's disrespectful of my time to do this on an async medium preventing me from preparing materials, finding source, or whatever else I need before a meeting instead of having to do it there.
There's an entire social (edit:changed that word from 'political' which I didn't mean to say) orientation around this.
See the hilarious 2019 Socialist Convention where they talk about people clapping as 'harm' or wearing perfume as 'aggressive' or taking a particular tone as 'oppressive', etc.
"Hey, can we chat!" is now "Triggering" etc.. ?
We're really going to be dragged aside by HR now because "Hey, can we chat?"
Yeah ... no.
I think it's up to the author to seek help.
I don't deny they have an issue, but I'm wary that it's mostly theirs to contend with.