You just might discovered yourself what others did without thinking: Following some given path to stop worring and using it as 'this can't be wrong because its old and others are doing it and enabling me'.
Perhaps community fits even better.
I personally am free enough to design my own life without boundaris.
Your current self-description and opinion of religion is where I was prior to moving onto my current state. Looking backwards, going beyond this represented breaking a boundary for me.
I am not trying to persuade you and I am holding back from expounding on what I mean at length here, just sharing the perspective.
I do thought about a lot and its definitly exhausting to be free but i have been a nihilist since 16. Thought through tons of ideas and concepts (what if the universe is repeating itself, no free will, after life, before life, 'the egg' story, lsd, mdma, ...)
I'm now quite happy and content and still curious with my life. Havent' felt better than this and going the next step: getting a farm and transforming my environment how i want it to be.
Perhaps community fits even better.
I personally am free enough to design my own life without boundaris.