I really agree with what you said here, and I think this is an important message – so thank you for putting it so well.
This is something I had no appreciation for when I was younger. I thought romantic love was just that – you find someone you like looking at and like being around, and if that changes then you move on.
But now I've been with my partner for more than a decade I've realised how shallow this view was. Realistically the connection I have with her I'll likely never be able to replace. When things get tough she understands me almost as well as I understand myself and I know she isn't just going to walk out of a 10+ relationship because I'm going through a few rough months. And obviously I feel the same about her... I want to be there for her for more than just thinking she looks nice and is fun to hang out with. The love we have is so much deeper at this point I don't know where I'd be without her, and I think she feels the same about me.
The only thing I'd disagree with you about is how relevant the number of partners is. Both me and my partner had quite a few relationships before we found each other, and I actually think that helped us since we knew we worked well. The difference is that the relationships we had before each other we really just 6-12 months things and when we met we were still quite young.
I think where you are correct is if you've been dating around for years and have some baggage (failed marriage, kids, etc) then when you try to settle down with someone else I'd imagine it would be difficult to develop the same depth of commitment to that person. One, because it just takes time, but two because it's now more complicated sine you have kids with another partner and therefore have other commitments outside your relationship that need to be managed and perhaps even prioritised.
I do believe the way we sell love and relationships today is wrong. I think the sexual aspect is obviously important, but it shouldn't be as much the focus. The thing that provides the most value long-term really is the depth of the emotional connection two people can develop over very long periods of time together. I'm not saying people should stick with their partners no matter what, but I think valuing commitment even when things are not perfect is something we don't do enough of anymore. If anything young people (including myself some years ago) seem to actually have a negative view of long-term commitment. I think that's sad and I feel very grateful I somehow stumbled on the path I'm on today.
This is something I had no appreciation for when I was younger. I thought romantic love was just that – you find someone you like looking at and like being around, and if that changes then you move on.
But now I've been with my partner for more than a decade I've realised how shallow this view was. Realistically the connection I have with her I'll likely never be able to replace. When things get tough she understands me almost as well as I understand myself and I know she isn't just going to walk out of a 10+ relationship because I'm going through a few rough months. And obviously I feel the same about her... I want to be there for her for more than just thinking she looks nice and is fun to hang out with. The love we have is so much deeper at this point I don't know where I'd be without her, and I think she feels the same about me.
The only thing I'd disagree with you about is how relevant the number of partners is. Both me and my partner had quite a few relationships before we found each other, and I actually think that helped us since we knew we worked well. The difference is that the relationships we had before each other we really just 6-12 months things and when we met we were still quite young.
I think where you are correct is if you've been dating around for years and have some baggage (failed marriage, kids, etc) then when you try to settle down with someone else I'd imagine it would be difficult to develop the same depth of commitment to that person. One, because it just takes time, but two because it's now more complicated sine you have kids with another partner and therefore have other commitments outside your relationship that need to be managed and perhaps even prioritised.
I do believe the way we sell love and relationships today is wrong. I think the sexual aspect is obviously important, but it shouldn't be as much the focus. The thing that provides the most value long-term really is the depth of the emotional connection two people can develop over very long periods of time together. I'm not saying people should stick with their partners no matter what, but I think valuing commitment even when things are not perfect is something we don't do enough of anymore. If anything young people (including myself some years ago) seem to actually have a negative view of long-term commitment. I think that's sad and I feel very grateful I somehow stumbled on the path I'm on today.