> Everything feels too hard, you feel too old, you see no prosperous future, and you yearn to end everything - not suicide, but to quit work, quit life, and disappear.
I thought it's not burn out, but just getting older and wiser :)
Very few people over say 40-45 year old are chipper and burst with energy and enthusiasm. On the contrary, most of them are in sort of "Aikido mode", when they try to deal with whatever threats and external demands come with minimum amount of energy expended. IMO, it's a combination of just having less energy at that age, and the acquired wisdom that most things that you could be doing, aren't really worth doing.
Burn out feels different than that. It’s more like you’re grinding your gears when shifting and things are slipping. It’s not that you’re not clubbing every night it’s that you can’t conceive of any music you want to listen to and when you listen to music it’s not compelling. This is very similar to depression, but it extends beyond that into anxiety. It’s like you burned your hand and flinch any time you get close to the stove - you hurt so much from what you’ve endured your entire being is flinching from further harm.
It’s maddening since I noticed burnout tends to happen at peak career, so added onto everything you are where you aspired to be, but can’t do it, even though you know you could if this weren’t holding you back. I think our career, with impostor syndrome creating huge stress early in the career, pressure to move up mid career, then burnout as you turn that corner. The stress and pressures never really let up, until you learn some way to understand them differently and relate to them in a way that doesn’t hurt you. For me learning to be myself, the inner self that’s simply aware and not striving or desiring, not restlessly unsatisfied with what I’ve not done or should have done differently, or worried about how X pan out, or what Y will say about something, etc etc. Simply trusting myself, my abilities, my passions, and being in each moment as it happens was what meditation taught me and it was what helped me through my burnout.
Sound advice, and yeah, I'm pretty sure burnout is built into the current landscape. I can't imagine it's intentional since I can't figure out how it would ever lead to greater profitability. W.R.T. most tech culture, I often tell other folks, you are the fuel or you are the fireman. Current structure and goals don't seem to really optimize for any other arrangement.
I thought it's not burn out, but just getting older and wiser :)
Very few people over say 40-45 year old are chipper and burst with energy and enthusiasm. On the contrary, most of them are in sort of "Aikido mode", when they try to deal with whatever threats and external demands come with minimum amount of energy expended. IMO, it's a combination of just having less energy at that age, and the acquired wisdom that most things that you could be doing, aren't really worth doing.