There are days when I feel like a robot - I have almost no agency from morning until night. It really drags me down when it goes on for more than a few days consecutively.
It's weird because my job is OK and I love my kids, and it's not that bad - I just feel like an NPC doing this day after day and want to "jump off the rails".
Sometimes the only thing I can fall back on is that even if I can't choose what I'm doing I get to choose how I'm doing it.
I was in this state for the first few months after my child was born.
I remember one internal dialogue from that time:
-She woke up already. I barely had half an hour today to do something else than cleaning and that's only because I skipped some tasks. Where's my time off?
-What do you mean where's your time off? This was your time off.
It got better when I let go of my mid 30s childless person presumption of having time after work.
Also it got better because my daughter is now two and a half and can focus on an activity for the 114 seconds at worst it takes me to use the toilet.
The vast majority of employees get paid to do something they would rather not do, had they a choice.
They would rather be entertaining themselves, being with their families, relaxing, etc.
Yet they have to work, and do things they don't want to do day after day, month after month, and year after year. On top of that they often have to pretend to like it, and to spend time with people they don't want to be with.
It's even worse if they have to commute or not get enough sleep, or if they're not valued at work or don't feel they can make a difference.
After a while, that takes its toll. Some can handle it, but some can't.
It's weird because my job is OK and I love my kids, and it's not that bad - I just feel like an NPC doing this day after day and want to "jump off the rails".
Sometimes the only thing I can fall back on is that even if I can't choose what I'm doing I get to choose how I'm doing it.