Sincerely, who gives a flying ** as long as things get done? All I can tell you, having 2 loud conversations going on in an open office almost the entire day is going to mess my performance up far more than taking a 30 minute break hanging laundry while I can still hear myself think. But the former is considered 'business as usual' and the latter is considered a no-no.
You'd think for once the money people would think about the money, not the method.
Just say what you want to say instead of hiding behind your snide comments.
Those methods already exist, albeit weak, and business management still routinely favors theatrics over measurements. You can put their noses on the metrics clearly pointing out the slackers, and they will get personal and touchy-feely as to why the metrics aren't correct. You can point out the plethora of studies and arrogantly they will believe they know better. Of all the hills to die on regarding performance, taking a break to do laundry certainly isn't it.
Metrics like what? LOC? Number of commits? Am genuinely interested. These certainly can be gamed, and not really useful for admin, creative or QA type of work.
People have different abilities and work ethics, so a workday serves as the absolute lowest baseline for meeting commitment. Working remote allows you to game even that while not adding much (from employer's POV naturally - there's definitely added value for the employee).
You'd think for once the money people would think about the money, not the method.