This sounds like you are using rules for one language game in the context of another. Let's say a cashier asks you "how are you?" then it is just a phrase. The purpose of the phrase is to acknowledge your existence and open the transaction. That's one kind of language game. You are not lying when you say "fine" here, you are playing the game.
If your doctor asks you "how are you?" it's another language game with different expectations. If your mum asks you "how are you?" it is yet another language game with a different context and so on.
I guess, this is just a roundabout way of saying the meaning of words, phrases, sentences change by context, even if they seem 100% identical, and the context determines a great deal what is an acceptable, ie. understandable, answer here. Get context savvy and save yourself and the others confusion and hurt.
Except that when you're dealing with grief or another type of extreme stress, that whole sense of light-hearted context dependent word play goes out the window. The patterned responses are no longer appropriate, and falling back on literal interpretation is the only thing you have in you.
GP, I feel you. Personally I often just said/say "okay" or "alright", which decidedly means not okay in the cultural context, but I don't particularly care about ruffling feathers.
If your doctor asks you "how are you?" it's another language game with different expectations. If your mum asks you "how are you?" it is yet another language game with a different context and so on.
I guess, this is just a roundabout way of saying the meaning of words, phrases, sentences change by context, even if they seem 100% identical, and the context determines a great deal what is an acceptable, ie. understandable, answer here. Get context savvy and save yourself and the others confusion and hurt.