Ahahaha.

Vicegrips are very useful. And a pipe wrench ... commonly still called "Stillson" in these parts ... is also useful for shifting anything (even regular nuts) you don't have the correct spanner for and don't mind marking up a little. Chain wrench similarly.

Is that a joke I am missing? If it's adjustable, it doesn't matter. My adjustable ones have both scales on it

Yes. Now go out and get a can of tartan paint