It's crazy to me there hasn't been a backlash against that yet

.... but having all of EU defense including F35s calling in home in Trump US before every mission is totally fine right?

There is no such thing as EU defence - EU states have their own forces. The main defensive alliance in Europe is NATO, and the most important NATO country is the US.

For Northern Europe there's UK led JEF

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joint_Expeditionary_Force

Less important than NATO, and not EU either - 10 countries, six of which are in the EU, three including the lead country are not.