> The ultimate goal should be to render race as a non-defining characteristic
That's a pretty OK goal, although it's unrealistic, because we can only get closer to that by successive approximation.
However your real mistake is trying to use your long term goal (ignoring race) as a short term strategy (ignoring racism). You're correct that racism is a less big deal in many contexts than it used to be. But for the time being, racism is quite a big thing in many other contexts. And ignoring it won't help get us to the place where we can safely ignore it.
I would propose learning what you can about what it's like for people different than you so that you have more opportunities to lend help and compassion.
That's a pretty OK goal, although it's unrealistic, because we can only get closer to that by successive approximation.
However your real mistake is trying to use your long term goal (ignoring race) as a short term strategy (ignoring racism). You're correct that racism is a less big deal in many contexts than it used to be. But for the time being, racism is quite a big thing in many other contexts. And ignoring it won't help get us to the place where we can safely ignore it.